How i've been surviving the pandemic (and not surviving)

Well hello! It has been some time. A long time. A very long time. I'm sorry, I will try to do better. Emphasis on try. So how have I been surviving the pandemic. Honestly, just like everyone else some days are waaaay better than others. For instance, yesterday I did absolutely nothing. I couldn't get myself to get out of bed and leave my laptop screen. I watched Last Chance U Basketball and a little bit of Schitt's Creek until my eyes felt like they were going to fall out of my face. And quite literally until I had a headache from staring at my screen for far too long.

MY PARENTS. They have been a big reason I am surviving. Sometimes, I'm like omg, I can't wait to leave. Then literally seconds after that thought, I feel bad because I couldn't have done this whole thing by myself at all. My parents are super supportive about my dreams and everything I want to accomplish. They pray for me, and make me feel way too loved. It is also the little things. Knowing I have my mommy's cooking is a peace I can't explain. Just laying in bed with my mom, hanging out, talking about random things helps a lot, too. My dad cracking corny jokes. It's the little things.

MY SISTERS. They are quite literally my rock. They are way too supportive. Always in my business, which is actually hilarious because at the current moment I have no business. Nothing is going on. Literally, so it's a bit funny. I'm currently living with my younger sister, who is doing college from home, so I have her to lean on and just relate to. My older sister and I speak literally almost every single day. That makes the day go by a bit faster. They are the best. I don't deserve them. We just laugh, too. Laughing is always good.

GOD. I have built a much closer relationship with God since the pandemic started. I felt like I just had more time, I mean LOL, I literally had more time. God has always been a priority in my life, but I haven't done my best at practicing that I would say. I just knew He dwelled in my heart. I would say a little prayer when I woke up and if I remembered, one before I went to bed. Now though, I pray every morning, okay fine, most mornings, I'm not perfect. I pray most nights with my family. I feel so much closer to Him, and know I'll never give that up. I feel like I've kind of figured out how to really, truly put God first in my life no matter the circumstances.

READING. I've loved reading since I was a kid, but as I got older it got a bit tougher to read for leisure. It always felt like I had to read a chapter for Biology, then something for Lit and I just felt all "read" out. Like I just didn't want to read for leisure because it felt like I was always reading already. So I still loved reading, I just never did it. Since I am out of school completely, the only thing I'm really reading is the news. This has allowed me to rediscovered my love for reading. My goal for 2021 is literally to read as much as I can. I'm not the biggest fan of self-help books. There's nothing wrong with them, I just don't really take to them. When I'm reading, I kind of want to live in a little fantasy world. Call me a child, but honestly that's like my favorite part. I just read all three of the To All the Boys I've Loved Before. Literally chef's kiss. I will probably re-read in the future. Literally just so cute and so precious. It reminded me of high school and just being young. I know I'm still young, but being younger. I hate to be this person, but the movies definitely did not do the books justice, in my opinion. The movies are good, but they're just NOT the books. I read The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, very good read. Loved that. I don't even know how to explain it or describe it. I just know everyone should read it. I literally just finished The Wedding Date. Ehhhhh, not the worst, but definitely not the best. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend, but it was fine. I am now reading Elaine Welteroth's book. I went to see her speak at Mizzou, and she was great, like duhhhhh, of course. Now, I'm finally reading her book. I didn't really want to at first because I thought it was a self-help book, and yeah. Or a memoir and I also don't always fancy those. Like they are so great, but I won't lie...I'm here for the fiction, for the fantasy, for the daydreaming, LOL. I think it's gonna be good though, and she does say this is NOT a self-help book, so heyyyy, let's see.

WOODWICK CANDLES. Just recently discovered these. The sound when it burns, the crackles, brings me an incredible amount of peace. It just makes me feel so relaxed, so that has been a fantastic. Literally have it burning right now.

HOPE AND FAITH. My mom always says, "If there's life, there's hope." I just know so much more is coming for me, and I just have to get through right now. I just have to keep going. Keep swimming. Keep praying. Keep fighting. Keep working. Keeping trying. That's something my dad says, "You just have to keep trying." Keep being patient. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and eventually, I will get to where I am going.

And I guess, just knowing I'm not in this alone. Like the fact that there are a lot of other people going through this and just trying to navigate post grad life through a pandemic. I guess that's comforting, some days, definitely not all the time.

How I haven't been surviving the pandemic. Man, when I tell you some days I'm just in the bed. I mean, I am just IN THE BED. Switching positions and rotating between Netflix and Hulu. If I'm feeling a little spicy, I'll watch some of my fav youtubers. I literally will just be in the bed feeling not bad for myself, but definitely just like wtf is going on in my life. Like why isn't anything happening? Then I get frustrated with God, which I think is normal. Two seconds later, I'm feeling bad about feeling frustrated. Some days, I just be tired and very much so OVER IT.

Because it's tough. I'm 23, single, living with my parents and searching for a full time job in the media industry. Sometimes that mess feels impossible and suffocating. As soon as I look on Indeed, LinkedIn and all of the other job boards, I get so annoyed and frustrated. I've been doing this for so long, why isn't it getting easier? I guess some things never do. It's just especially hard when you kind of had this vision in your head about who you were gonna be or who you wanted to be at this age. And honestly, yes, that idea might have been unrealistic, but I least wanted to feel close to it. I know I still have so much time, but mannn, sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

I guess I'm also learning like friendships will change. Like I haven't seen my friends in almost a year, which is wild when you were seeing them every single day and living with them. Like now, I have to call you and you have to call me. Some people aren't willing to put that effort in. And you start to feel like it's very much so one sided. That's just heartbreaking. Losing your peeps sucks, but some people are just in your life for a certain season. I'm learning that. It's definitely not the easiest lesson, but it's one that needs to be learned.

This was kind of a little updatey kind of thing. I'm sure I missed some things. I just remembered I haven't written in a long time, and thought, "Hey, why not?" Tell me how you've been surviving or not surviving the pandemic.